Blended family forces 18-year-old to be best friends with her antisocial stepsister, get angry when she bonds with her half-siblings more: 'My stepmom told me I shouldn't love some siblings more than others'

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    AITA for moving out alone and not with my stepsister and lying about where I'm going to college
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    My dad and stepmom were both widowed when me and my stepsister (18f/18f) were 5. They met a year later and became "widowed parent friends" which I always believe they started dating like a year after my mom/stepsister's dad died but they don't want to be honest and say they moved on so fast, especially when they had kids. So we'd all hang out together during the day and we'd have late nights at each other's houses for a couple of years. Even back then I struggled to get along with my stepsister.
  • 04
    But I was supposed to be her best friend (said my dad) and to be gentle with her, be there for her, help her with stuff, make her laugh. It was annoying back then and when my dad and stepmom admitted they were dating I really hated that I was now stuck with her. She stuck to me in school and would track me down and follow me around. My dad told me I should love having a sister my age. I told him I didn't. He told me to think about how great it could be. I told him I wanted to spend time with fri
  • 05
    She never could make her own friends. She's very hard to get close to. She hardly talks. She'll talk if it's just us but it's so painful. She never wants to do anything and just follows me around. There were times I would leave and go spend time with friends and she'd cry and I'd get into trouble for leaving her.
  • 06
    Then our half siblings were born and it was a shitshow. I love my half siblings. It was clear I loved them but not my stepsister. My stepmom made that a very big deal and told me I shouldn't love some siblings more than others, I should love everyone. She also accused me of turning my half siblings against my stepsister. But she never wanted to play with them or speak to them. Yet she would get upset when they
  • 07
    favored me too. But mostly she hated that I favored them to her. I never wanted to spend time with her. I always had to be forced to. It showed. That didn't help. Family therapy was quit after four months because my dad and stepmom didn't like that so much focus was put on helping my stepsister branch out instead of helping us come together as "sisters".
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    For two years my dad and stepmom and stepsister were planning for me and her to go to college together, to move out together so we could travel at the same time and settle in together. I made plans behind their back with my grandpa. And against their wishes I moved out in June and moved in with grandpa for the summer and I'll be starting community college in this town when school starts back up. My dad finally found out. He and my stepmom were already I moved out without my stepsister and now th
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    Sweetcilantro 19 hr. ago • nta They shoved the responsibilities of whats sounds like your stepmoms obviously very neurodivergent daughter onto you instead of working on helping her themselves.
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    Dramatic-Top-6946 OP 19 hr. ago They figured she'd be fine if we were close. But it was never going to work. I have a small group of friends, but still friends. She has never made one and I don't think she ever wanted to make any. So she was uncomfortable following me and I resented her for not being able to be with my friends. As introverted as I am I do better in my friend group than just my stepsister and me.
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    BunnySlayer64 18 hr. ago You are obviously NTA. And it just chaps my hide to read yet another story of parents going to therapy, not to find a healthy way for the family to adjust to reality, but to "fix" the child that they see as being the problem and forcing them to conform to what they (the parents) want them to be like. I'm so glad your grandfather had your back. Live your life on your own terms and thrive.
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    SiriusSlytherinSnake. 15 hr. ago Chaps my hide. I'm using this lol. Thank you for that. And I feel similarly. I need people to realize therapy is NOT for you to pay to be told what you want or that you're right. It's where you pay to hopefully improve and get better mentally.
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    I_Suggest_Therapy . 17 hr. ago The adults here failed the two of you miserably. She is going to be an independent adult. That means she needed that work of branching out. You had as a child and now a right to your own independent life. NTA
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    Bice_thePrecious . 16 hr. ago she needed that work of branching out. The sad thing is, when step- sister is a failure as an adult (because she will be) the parents will continue to blame OP. Dad & Step-mom- "Well if you were there for your sister..."
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    swillshop 16 hr. ago. I think I'd write your dad and stepmom a letter and say, You failed both me and stepsister.
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    Instead of getting her the help she needed, instead of letting the therapist guide her on developing her own ability to interact with the world/guide you on how to best support her - instead of anything healthy, you made me her emotional support animal. You never gave her a chance at building a life for herself, and you took away my chances to build a life for myself.
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    You would still be controlling my life to keep me serving as her emotional support animal if I hadn't been able to execute my own plans without you. Instead of seeing the needs of each of your kids and trying to support each of us, you dumped all responsibility for stepsister's life in my lap. You never cared about me, my hopes and dreams, my interests - only that I took responsibility for stepsister off of your hands.
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    I'm taking care of building my life. I hope stepsister can one day find her way to building a life for herself. Goodness knows that neither one of you ever did one thing to make that possible for either of us. Then keep them low contact unless/until they actually take any steps towards acknowledging and correcting the litany of mistakes they've been making. Focus on building your life. Congrats on graduating and on starting your new adventure!
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    Razzlesndazzles. 12 hr. ago Fantastic, they've completely screwed her over. 1. You're never going to be friends with someone you are forced to hang out with. You get along better with your half sibilings because you had a say in the matter. And 2. By trying to force you 2 to be some hallmark special they've encouraged her to not focus on making friends and taught her that the social connection she needs is you. They've taught her her happiness is tied to you so now she'll never make friends or g
  • 20
    Why on earth were they so focused on you 2 being buddies? I ask because it sounds like they didn't put those same expectations on you for your half siblings.
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    Dramatic-Top-6946 OP 9 hr. ago They knew she did not have any friends and did not socialize. They then saw that she was willing to at least try to socialize with me. So they decided I would be the one person and by forcing her on me, I think they expected her to become friends with my friends. Only that didn't work. They assumed I loved her and was loyal to her and would help her out. So they never expected me to just leave like this.
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    mdthomas 19 hr. ago You're 18 amd an adult. You are NOT responsible for looking after your stepsister as she goes to college. NTA
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    Dramatic-Top-6946 OP · 19 hr. ago Not sure my dad or stepmom will ever agree but even my dad's parents agree. They helped me keep the move quiet. Wish they could get through to him but nope.
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    5115E 16 hr. ago Did your parents ever consider individual counseling for her to try to do as the family counselor suggested or did they just focus on you trying to shake her off?
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    Dramatic-Top-6946 OP. 9 hr. ago They only focused on me and her being BFF/sisters for life.

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